Ash Wednesday, Peeves, and Happy Thoughts

Holy shit...it's here. Ash Wednesday. Holy, but not necessarily holy shit, I guess.

If ya read my last post, you know that this is a big day for me: the first day of my vegan-lenten experience. Since it's about 2:30 AM, I'm not in the thick of it yet, and won't be eating anything for a quite a while...just nervously excited. Why nervously? Well, I don't want to fail. Fuck that, it's not an option.

Over the next 40+ days I plan on checking in on here relatively often. I'll give updates on how I feel, which recipes are shit, which are great (feel free to send me any you personally enjoy), etc. Also, though, since I'll be exercising (not exorcising) my spiritual side as well, I'll probably want to wax philosophical on that ass...be forewarned.

Which reminds me of a HORRIBLE pet peeve of mine. Ya know, I don't spend a huge amount of time on Facebook or Twitter, but every day I feel like I should spend even LESS of my time and energy on that bullshit. Why? I can't stand reading posts from the whiny fucks on there that never have anything positive to say. EVER.

You hate the inconvenience of having kids, but contraception is the devil. Your husband/ wife sucks ass (and not in a good way). Your boss is unfair, but you don't have the balls to change jobs. Poor people are what's wrong with this country. The batteries ran out on your vibrating buttplug but you don't feel like you should have to go buy some new goddamn batteries because it's your spouse's fault for not stocking up. You're a housewife, but complain about people on welfare. Liberals are trying to take away your guns. Your face and body look like crumpled leather, but you refuse to give up tanning. Your gut hangs over your jeans because you eat too much and don't work out but life is shitting on you. Cigarettes cost too much. The world is against you. You live with your parents but are upset when your $500 generic-looking pair of Jimmy Choos get scuffed.

FUCK.

Life is too damn short to be this miserable. There is good in everyone's life somewhere. Find it and be fucking thankful for it! If it's difficult to find, CREATE something wonderful out of your life. Try to right the wrongs. Why sit around in emotional garbage when there is so much life to see and experience all around you?! If your kids are on your nerves, appreciate the fact that they're here to get on your nerves...some people (like myself) that have miscarried or lost a child after giving birth would trade spots with your ungrateful ass in a heartbeat.

Grow some fucking compassion. Instead of being a snob over someone else's lack of wealth, race, sexual orientation, etc., accept that different does not equal wrong. Let them lead their lives, and you lead yours without hatred or intolerance. You're just as imperfect as everyone else that you look down upon, Asshole.

If it sounds like I'm being a hypocrite, maybe I am...a bit. Everyone is to some degree. Reading whiny posts everyfuckingday gets under my skin, which shouldn't, and that's 100% my fault. I just really wish everyone would get over their own insecurities, stop projecting negativity onto others, and have some accountability for their own actions. That's why this is the end of that conversation.

...

After that purga, I need to talk about something positive. Here's a list of some of my current favorite things/ people/ etc:

• Pure ATS bellydance. Yes, I LOVE tribal fusion (in solo form), but my true love is American Tribal Style (when dancing in a group). I list this as "current" because Tribal Motion has been recently getting back to our ATS roots, and rediscovering the strength and beauty of this format.
• Kid Fury videos. He's one of the funniest people on YouTube without having to try, is 100% himself, and I adore him.

• Anagram and cryptogram games. Yes, I'm an English nerd. We knew this.
• Beats Antique Pandora station. The music is Middle Eastern dance influenced, so isn't for everyone, but is right up my alley. I shouldn't say that since my name is Ali...sounds like I'm talking about my vag, which I'm not...lol.
• Old-school Gypsy caravans. I want one (a caravan, not a gypsy...owning people es muy mal).
• Donna Mejia. Unbelievable.

• Frank Sinatra's voice. Italian swagger...gets me :)
• Watching weird/ artsy foreign films. Especially French...don't know why. They're usually either incredible or a horribly-fun trainwreck, so entertaining either way.
• Dark chocolate peanut butter. Do I need to explain this?
• John Fugelsang. Smart and hilarious.

Ahhh...makes me happy.

Vegan for Lent

Since late 2007, I have consumed absolutely no mammal. No beef, pork, venison, etc. Actually, from about October of that year until June or July of 2008, I had absolutely NO meat...and yes, chicken, fish, and eggs are meat (who the hell decided they weren't, anyway?). Why did I start eating chicken and fish again after abstaining for eight or nine months? Well, it was mostly about variety and laziness. Since I was newly married and working full-time, I had grown soft on my once-staunch convictions and lusted for convenience. Yes, I understand that an animal is an animal, be it repile, mammal, insect, bird, arachnid, etc, but my mind could somehow justify eating a non-mammal while being thoroughly repulsed by such monstrosities as Wendy's "Baconator" (aka my nightmares personified).

Now, before anyone gets uncomfortable, this is not a shaming post. I'm not going to advocate any type of diet to anyone else, because 1) I don't give a damn what other people eat, and 2) I'd be a hypocrite to say anyone else's diet isn't healthy. My diet is absolutely HORRENDOUS. And that's actually what this post is about.

Wednesday is Ash Wednesday, which is the beginning of Lent in several Christian denominations. Being raised in a Methodist household, I've given up a vice (or tried to start a healthy habit) every year. Yes, the tradition is to honor Jesus (his resistance to temptations) and the goal is to strenghthen your spirtuality, but I believe this is an incredibly beneficial idea regardless of faith (or lack thereof).

Every religion that practices Lent has different ideas on the way it should be carried out. Three semi-universal practices recommended during Lent include more prayer (for God; could be meditation for health of the mind/ spiritual side), sacrifice (giving up smoking, fasting, etc. for health of the body), and charity (monetary donations or any other charitable efforts that could help others). During the middle ages, most followers gave up all animal products, which is what I plan to do this year.

Do I plan to stay vegan after Easter? I don't know. I'm doing this to not only strengthen my spiritual side and ease my conscience, but also as an experiment. I've wanted to try to cut out dairy anyway, and this is the perfect time. My reasons for cutting out dairy are mostly health-related: I'm pretty lactose-intolerant but also a lazy ass, so I get sick but still eat junk. Enough of that crap. Since I wanted to experiment with no dairy, and didn't eat beef or pork anyway, I thought it wouldn't hurt just to rip the bandaid and not eat any animal products.

Will it be hard? Fuck yes! Mainly giving up dairy: butter, ice cream, CHEESE...holy shit. The meat will be a breeze, but the damn cheeeeeeeeese. Sorry, that rhymed...but not sorry enough to change it. Surprisingly enough, I actually have incredible willpower when I am extremely restrictive. Yes, I may eventually give up, but it'd probably be more out of boredom than actual cravings (or, at least, that's how it's been before).

Eating plant-based foods will force me to eat better in general. I will be much more mindful of everything I put in my mouth, and not just reach for whatever junk crap we have in the cabinets. Going out to eat will all but stop, since it's hard to find anything in central AR without butter or cheese slathered onto it. That's alright, Jason and I eat out way too much anyway.

I've been looking up tons of recipes, personal anecdotes, and nutritional plans in order to prepare. Planning is essential to do this safely and healthfully (and anyone that wants to bark about this being unhealthy, read some studies that aren't paid for by the beef and dairy industries). I've also tried to enjoy a lot of my favorite foods before they're banned. Fat Tuesday should be fun...no big plans on that yet. But Wednesday is the big day, and I'm kind of excited for this new experience. Who knows? Maybe I'll feel incredible and decide to stick to it after Lent is done. At most, I hope to become much more accountable with my health in general.

The Bible is Not a Weapon

Leviticus 18:22 says "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." Rick Perry is a huge fan of the verse...and he's "strong" enough to admit it. He's not alone; it's a pretty popular verse in the bible for hatemongers these days. From personal experience, it seems as if those who claim to follow a more "literal" translation are the most vocal in their praise. I wonder if they also follow these verses from the same book as literally (not a complete list, for time's sake):


Not to eat non-kosher animals (Leviticus 11:4), Not to eat non-kosher fish (Leviticus 11:11), Not to eat non-kosher fowl (Leviticus 11:13), Not to eat non-kosher creatures that crawl on land (Leviticus 11:41),To follow the procedure of Yom Kippur (Leviticus 16:3),To buy and sell according to Torah law (Leviticus 25:14)
I personally don't know many Christians that follow the Torah. Kind of goes without saying, right? So those holiday observations, eating kosher, and the whole buying-and-selling-according-to-Torah-law thing? Ignored, and observed mainly by those following Judaism.
 
To observe the laws of menstrual impurity (Leviticus 15:19), Not to have sexual relations with a menstrually impure woman (Leviticus 18:19)
Women who menstruate or have menstruated are unclean...that only compromises most healthy, adult, premenopausal women, at least 1/10 of any given month. Apparently, only prepubescent girls are in God's favor. Men who have sex with women while on the rag are also unclean, husband and otherwise.

To observe the laws of impurity of a seminal emission (Leviticus 15:16.)
And speaking of seminal emissions: men, when you ejaculate, you're considered dirty.

Not to eat creatures that live in water other than fish (Leviticus 11:43.)
Like shrimp, lobster, or any other seafood that isn't fish? Eating them is an ABOMINATION!!!!! Maybe the government should reenact DADT for those seafood lovers in the military...
 
The precept about the ritual uncleanness of a woman after childbirth (Leviticus 12:2.)
Are you a biological mother? You're unclean after childbirth. Goes along with the whole menstruation thing.
 
Not to reap a corner of one’s field, so that the poor may glean (Leviticus 19:9), Not to reap the very last end of one’s field, so that the poor may glean (Leviticus 19:9), To leave gleanings for the poor (Leviticus 19:9), Not to gather the gleanings, so that the poor may take them (Leviticus 19:9), To leave a part of a vineyard unreaped, for the poor (Leviticus 19:10), Not to gather the gleanings of a vineyard, so that the poor may take them (Leviticus 19:10), To leave the unformed clusters of grapes for the poor (Leviticus 19:10)
Strangely, there is a lot about welfare in there. In FAVOR of welfare. Apparently, you're supposed to set aside some of your crops/property/belongings for the poor. Class warfare or a literal translation of the bible?
 
Not to speak derogatorily of others (Leviticus 19:16), Not to embarrass others (Leviticus 19:17), Not to take revenge (Leviticus 19:18), Not to bear a grudge (Leviticus 19:18), Not to insult or harm anybody with words (Leviticus 25:17)

And speaking of politicians, you're not supposed to speak ill of others. God despises your campaign ads, just like the rest of us. 
 
Not to plant diverse seeds together (Leviticus 19:19), Not to crossbreed animals (Leviticus 19:19)

Plant hybrids? Mules? ABOMINATIONS!!!!
 
The prohibition against shaving the area of a nethek (an impurity in hair) (Leviticus 13:33), Men must not shave the hair off the sides of their head. (Leviticus 19:27), Men must not shave their beards with a razor. (Leviticus 19:27)
All of you guys that shave your faces are in trouble with God.
 
The courts must carry out the death penalty of burning (Leviticus 20:14)
Those who are fans of the death penalty and quote the "eye for an eye" passage should be raising hell (no pun intended) with those ungodly states that execute their criminals by means of electric chair, gas chamber, lethal injection, and/or firing squad. Criminals should be BURNED. Well, except for women who lose their virginities before marriage...they are to be stoned to death.

Not to imitate idolaters in customs and clothing (Leviticus 20:23)
Better not read Vogue.


Not marry a woman born from a disqualified marriage. (Leviticus 21:7)
If you're a divorced woman or a widow, don't plan on marrying again.

The precept regarding the ritual uncleanness of a m’tzora (person with a skin condition) (Leviticus 13:12)
If you have a skin condition, you are unclean. That includes you, acne sufferers. That includes me as well, since I have eczema. But being a woman who lost her virginity before marriage who likes shrimp and wears two different types of fabric at once with a farming family that grows abomindable hybrid plants, I think I was doomed from the beginning. I do believe in welfare, but I don't agree with the death penalty, so those two cancel each other out, I guess.

Not to tattoo the skin (Leviticus 19:28)
I guess I should quit keeping a personal count...
 
Not to castrate animals (Leviticus 22:24)
Don't believe the hype: neutering your pets and/or farm animals is WRONG in the eyes of the lord.
 
Of course, there are tons more, but I really didn't feel like going through them all. Lots of sacrifice and offering rules have been omitted, but you get the drift. And, again, this is only the book of Leviticus: a fraction of the massive bible.

Quite unattainable to follow all of the above rules, so why do so many people choose the homosexual passage to quote? Actually, there's another one:  If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them. (Leviticus 20:13). So, do those against gay marriage/rights/the repeal of DADT believe that homosexuals should be executed?! For who they love?

But it's not the love part that bothers the hatemongers. Well, not the emotional part of love, anyway, but the sex. Why focus on other people's sex lives, when it concerns consenting adults? Sure, the physical aspect is an extremely important and potentially wonderful part of an adult relationship, but there's so much more than that. Maybe not in cases of one night stands, but again, that's no one's business except for the parties immediately involved (and their cheated partners, if they exist).

You see, I'm not one who follows the bible literally. In fact, I'm educated enough to know that's impossible, because unlike so many Christians, I've actually read it. The good book contradicts itself over and over and over again. Hundreds of translations through different languages over hundreds of years by scholars that add their own prejudices and beliefs (St. Augustine and "original sin," anyone?) have diluted the meaning beyond belief. Not to mention all of those pesky books left out at the Council of Nicea, which were apparently not "divinely inspired" enough. By the way, I've read a few of those books, and they can be quite entertaining (Lillith is a hoot).
 
Why am I doing this? Am I some godless liberal that hates Christianity? Not in the least. I just believe that everyone should be educated about the beliefs they are told to have. The Christian bible is more full of love than hate, about welfare instead of intolerance, about not judging others. Picking and choosing verses to perpetuate hate goes against everything that Jesus taught, and if you call yourself a Christian, you should probably strive to be as Christ-like as possible.
 
 
 
 

Thanksgiving

The storms rage on outside, but thankfully, I have internet and satellite connection. So as the thunder booms, "From Hell" is playing on IFC and Pandora's "The Temptations" channel is slithering through the speakers on my phone. Why in the world do I have the t.v. on if I'm not going to listen? Especially with such a gory movie? Well, honestly, I'm a bit attention deficit. That's about as great of an answer I can give you...lol.

Two days until Thanksgiving. I've never been too fond of the holiday, probably because I'm gluttonous every day, only surrounded with less family. And that family has changed dramatically in the past few years.

Before 2008 (at age 24), I had only spent two Thanksgivings away from my father's family. One was at my mom's sister's house, just for the hell of it. The other I spent in New York City, during which I walked across the Macy's  Day Parade (out of utility, though I like to leave that part out). I always spent the holiday with my father because my mother always had my brother (Derek) and myself on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

2008, however, was the most momentous Thanksgiving thus far. Or, rather, the situations surrounding it make it stand out the most...and I'll never again feel a shadow of normalcy on this holiday. You see, this would be a Thanksgiving of bookends, both beginnings and endings.

A picture from Thanksgiving 2008. The beautiful lady in white is my grandmother. Dad is standing to the right of her (in the red shirt) and I'm standing beside him (in the black).

My niece Lillie was born in May that year, so it was my first Thanksgiving with her. Also, it was my first grown-up Thanksgiving: I had graduated college, gotten hitched, a real job, and bought my house. It was both a happy and stressful time, but mostly happy. Since then, the stressful grooves have mainly smoothed out, but I doubt I'll ever be content again.

That day was the last day I would ever feel my father's embrace. The last time I would see his dark eyes slant as a mischevious grin spread across his face. It was the last time he saw his mother, his son, his grandchildren...most of his large family. He died of a massive heart attack on the following monday.

One of our last hugs, and the last picture of us taken.

Apparently, he died before his body hit the bathroom floor. Luckily, though, I happened to see and talk to him a few hours before. He was driving by my mother's house one way and I was driving the other, though neither one of us had a reason to be on that road. I was taking a detour on my way home from work, which I left at 9:00 AM due to a cold. He said he "had a feeling" to drive by there at that time...and his feelings were rarely wrong. Though we stayed in our respective vehicles and our conversation was short, I will treasure this last moment with him.

You see, he and I were extremely close. Though he and my mother had been divorced since I was a year old, he was consistently in my life. My parents got along very well...in fact, when Dad died, my mother still referred to him as her "best friend." They respected each other because they were incredible people, and incredible parents to Derek and myself.

Dad and I (age four). He always loved this pic, for some reason (probably not for the hair or 'stache). Notice how similar it is to the photo above.

Dad and I shared a psychic connection, as hokey as it may sound. We would ALWAYS run into each other in public without making plans, in AND out of town. If I woke up in the middle of the night in a panic, it was normal for him to call moments later asking if I was okay, again, because he "had a feeling." He never made one of these calls when there wasn't a problem.

This connection, I believe, is what made us gravitate to my mother's house that day. When the connection was severed, I felt abandoned by him. He was my main source of nurturing, yet he was the cause of my greatest pain, and could not comfort me. I know that sounds incredibly selfish, but in the deepest stages of grief, the base instincts destroy reason.

That was nearly three years ago. Since then, I have had two miscarriages, quit my job, lost my grandmother (Dad's mother), and have thus developed an enormous depression. Instead of developing further in my adulthood, I seem to regress...perhaps as an unconcious attempt to regain those happy times of my youth.

Derek initially vascillated between anger and intense sadness and was forced to divorce the love of his life, the mother of his daughter (for reasons I won't get into). He has been much more proactive, however, and used his feelings of loss to grow as a man. He started his own business (heating and air) and is very successful. He has emulated my father's parenting styles on his own growing children, and remains very close to them. He has built a house and taken control over his health, eating much more nutrionally and getting vigorous exercise, and is now in the best shape of his life.

Derek and I have seemed to switch roles in our family. When we were younger, he was the one that would constantly be in trouble: getting arrested for various petty things, making bad grades, generally rebelling against the rules of society in various irresponsible manners. I, on the other hand, was the "responsible" child. I made As in my AP classes, went to (and thrived in) college, never saw the backseat of a cop car, and was generally well-disciplined. I was never the center of drama, never had a pregnancy scare, and was headed to graduate school.

So how do I get back to this former self? I should use Derek as an inspiration, because he truly IS one. I am extremely proud of him, and I know if there is an afterlife, Dad is too. I am so thankful for him, and though we have always been close, Dad's death bonded us further. We have suffered the same loss, of course, but we also share memories of Dad that no one else knows about.

Since 2008, Derek and I have spent Thanksgiving with my mother and her side of the family. This year we'll be doing the same, visiting my aunt's house in Pocahontas. Though I'll miss Dad's family, I want to spend the holidays with my surviving parent, who I've become sickly-protective of. I cherish all of my family now, which is probably the greatest lesson my father has given me. This is particularly useful during this time of year, which is by far the most difficult for me now.

Dad and Lillie. This is the last time he would hold her.

Hello Again...

So this is only my second post in over a year-and-a-half.

Yeah.

I need to do better.

Maybe a pic of my past-life husband Mr. Valentino will help:

...I wish.

That suit...that smile...too damn cute.


Back to reality (grudgingly).

Bloggity-blog-blog

My first blog...ever. Luckily, I doubt that there will be much expectation. Gives me a limitless opportunity to dick up as much as I see fit!







First, I'll give you some back-info: I am a 25 year old bellydancer from the gigantic abyss known as Benton, Arkansas (just southwest of Little Rock). Okay, so maybe it isn't gigantic, but it has quite a bite for a town its size. Billy Bob Thornton chose my hometown as the backdrop for his critically-acclaimed movie, "Slingblade," and the restaurant he visits with John Ritter (RIP) is one of my favorites (Gary's Drive-In). Benton has also been featured in the Burt Reynolds cult flick "White Lightning," and has recently been the setting for a movie entitled "The Last Ride" about Hank Williams Sr. (still in production).

Three years ago, I graduated from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock with a B.A. in English and a minor in psychology. This means that I like to manipulate arbritary "rules" of grammar that I dislike, including (but not limited to) ending a sentence with a preposition and splitting an infinitive. Some megalomaniac decided one day that since you could not do either of these things in Latin, that the rules should apply for English grammar instead. I call B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T. Oh yes, and I can be extremely profane at times, so if that offends you, this is your warning. I will not change my colorful vocabulary for anyone...not my mother, and especially not for John and Jane Q. Public. Remember, anyone who tries to tell you what you can or cannot say is trying to control you. But, I digress...

Two years ago I married my fantastically-strange, adorable husband, Jason. He is an electrician by trade and general maintainance man around the house. He does the laundry, cooks, and comes to all of my dancing gigs. He's handsome, open-minded, and fiercy loyal. Yes, he's incredible, and yes, he's all mine.







Sometimes, random tidbits can do more justice in description than flowy paragraphs (especially when I feel lazy) so here are some of my quirks, nuances, likes, loves, agitations, etc. for you to peruse:

• I consider myself to be open-minded and compassionate, and try to become moreso every day.
• I am in a bellydancing troupe called "Tribal Motion." We are primarily American Tribal Style (ATS), not the cabaret type. Here is an article I wrote breaking down some of the differences between tribal and cabaret styles: http://www.xomba.com/bellydance_stereotypes_chiffon_and_empowerment
• I very, very rarely watch t.v. (perhaps because we only get one channel). I LOVE movies, though.
• Rudolph Valentino is my greatest obsession.
• I am an exercise fanatic! My favorite forms include: bellydancing (obviously), running, ballet, and Jillian Michaels dvds (holy shit, she is tough).
• I eat enormous proportions, so you cannot see my hard work...that's something that I'm constantly working on.
• George Carlin (RIP) is my favorite comedian of all time, no contest.
• I have a near-fetish for extraordinary hygiene.
• I am not a mother, but would love to be one someday.
• William Faulkner and Franz Kafka are two of my favorite writers.
• Usually, there are incense and candles burning in my house...unless, of course, I'm not home.
• My favorite musical genres include: rock (hard, classic, punk, metal), blues, and old country.
• My favorite musical artists include: Stevie Nicks, Danzig, Tracy Nelson, Black Sabbath, and Pink Floyd.
• I can stick my entire fist into my mouth.
• I have a Yorkipoo named Marley (after Bob, not the movie).
• I'm extremely Type B, and therefore procrastinate like mad.
• My two favorite people in the world are my nephew and niece, Jace Logan (five) and Lillan Jade (one).
• I'm addicted to Bath Junkie...love.
• I have a soulful singing voice, but cannot write a song (it's frighteningly-bad).
• My brother Derek, however, has been blessed with a gorgeous baritone voice and ferocious songwriting skills.
• Serial killers both terrify and fascinate me.
• I believe that most of the singers, actors, and reality t.v. stars nowadays are people that would have been laughed out of Hollywood in the nineties.
• My mother was a Razorbacks cheerleader.
• My favorite places in Arkansas include: Eureka Springs, Jonesboro, and Petit Jean Mountain.

Whew! This post makes me sound like a megalomaniac, but I thought it would only be fitting to give a thorough introduction. If there are any questions, comments, likes, or gripes, please feel free to post them! Thanks for visiting, and I hope you have a marvelous day.